Date Someone You Have Nothing in Common With

 

“We have so much in common!” If commonalities are what is holding your relationship together, I’m already bored.

Sure, commonalities mean you probably agree more than you disagree. You probably hike together, or work out together or knit together. You watch the same type of movies, and you never have to branch out. Why limit yourself that way?

Date someone who doesn’t like the same everything as you. Maybe he loves working out and your idea of a workout is walking to the mailbox. Maybe he loves horror films and you can’t get enough musicals. By dating this person, you’ll be forced to step out of your comfort zone and walk on the treadmill one day. He might even learn to appreciate a good song and dance in the middle of an ordinary conversation. Plus, once you find a show, movie, band, etc. that you both enjoy, it will be so much more special.

Date someone who gives you space. He likes to hang out with a large group of friends, you’re into more intimate gatherings. Spend time apart to do your own things. Allow for independence so that you’re so much happier when you’re together. Don’t force yourselves to like something you will never like, but show an interest in their passions.

Date someone who doesn’t think the same way as you. You’re a planner and a by-the-book kind of girl. He’s spontaneous and free. His easygoing nature will help you to relax and enjoy the moment, rather than just planning the next step. Your careful deliberation will help him take more responsibility and push him to think about the next step.

Date someone who stimulates you. Force each other to open up your minds and hearts and allow room for other beliefs. Get excited at the fact that you don’t know everything and that someone else can teach you new things. Date someone who excites you and draws you in effortlessly.

Date someone who challenges you. Apply for the job you feel under qualified for; he believes in you and you should to. Face your fears together; go bungee jumping to get that feeling of letting go. Argue when you disagree; Your arguments will push you both to think more deeply about the conversation and see the root cause more than the trigger point.

Date someone who complements you. (And I don’t mean he’s calls you pretty – although he should do that too!) Date someone who fulfills the needs you cannot fulfill yourself. Date someone who understands your desires. Date someone who makes you feel like all the little broken parts of you are whole again. Date someone whose heart may be cracked for different reasons, but in all the same places.

20 Facts Only True ‘Friends’ Junkies Know

1. Rachel’s birthday is May 5, 1970.

2. All the girls have kissed every friend on the show.

3. In “The One with the Stripper” Joey can be seen behind Ross laughing after Ross says, “Where’s my ring? My dead grandmother’s ring? Where is it? Where is it?”

4. In the pilot episode, Jennifer Aniston can be seen mouthing the words of the theme song during the opener.

5. Each cast member reportedly made $22,500 per episode in Season One, and gradually earned $1 million per episode in seasons 9-10.

6. In Season 3, they started to collectively bargain for their salaries, to all be paid the same. Reportedly, this meant that Jennifer Aniston and David Schwimmer took pay cuts for the sake of their co-stars.

7. Viewers never learn what the “E” in Monica’s initials, MEG stand for.

8. “Days of our Lives” the soap opera Joey is a part of in the show, is a real soap opera. In fact, Jennifer Aniston’s father, John Aniston is a long time character on “Days of our Lives.”

9. Lisa Kudrow was pregnant in real life when Phoebe was pregnant in Season 4.

10. Courtney Cox was pregnant in Season 10. She was dressed in baggy clothing to hide her bump, as Monica could not get pregnant in the show.

11. After the September 11th terrorist attacks, a scene was deleted from “The One Where Rachel Tells Ross” as it included Chandler joking about a bomb in his bag.

12. Joey’s PIN number is 5639, which spells out “JOEY” so he could remember it. He scratched it on the ATM machine by their apartment.

13. Monica’s boyfriend Pete tells Monica that soon computers will be able to recognize our voices, “So you can say ‘Wash my car.’ It won’t be able to do that, but it can understand you.’ The episode aired in 1997, years before Siri was around.

14. In “The One with the Ultimate Fighting Championship,” Billy Crystal and Robin Williams cameo in the coffee shop; The two just happened to be in the same building that day and agreed to be on the show, even though it wasn’t in the original script. The entire conversation was ad libbed.

15. Rachel lived with all of the friends except Chandler.

16. The magna-doodle on the back of Joey and Chandler’s door has a different image on it in every episode.

17. The couch in Central Perk where the friends always sit was available because of a “Reserved” sign that can be spotted in certain episodes.

18. Rachel’s grandmother’s name is Ida Green.

19. In “The One with George Stephanapoulos” the girls drink Tiki Death Punch and eat cookie dough and an incorrectly delivered mushroom, green pepper and onion pizza.

20. Chandler has a nubbin, but later Ross gets a “kundus.”

You can also read this post on Thought Catalog.

Rant about Adult Mean Girls:

When I graduated high school, I thought I was done with “mean girls.” Because once we realize that we’re all in this together, as women, I thought that we would spend more time building each other up rather than putting each other down. I thought, once we all accepted who we are, and grew up, there wouldn’t be a reason to be so mean to our fellow girls for  no reason.

But maybe I was naive in thinking that.

In the words of Cady Heron, “Calling someone ugly doesn’t make you any prettier.” And honestly, meanness just looks worse on you the older you get.

And in middle school and high school, I learned to understand why girls were mean; they were unhappy, insecure, jealous, childish, etc. And I built up an emotional callous to deal with them. But as I grew up, I decided that callous didn’t serve much of a purpose anymore. And that I was a big enough person to take the high road, and to try to get to the root of the meanness of some people.

But in all honesty, lately I’ve been so sick of taking the damn high road. Because in my experiences it has almost never been reciprocated. And I keep telling myself: “They’re not worth it. Don’t worry about it.” all the things that I was taught in grade school. I’m 24 years old and dealing with mean girls again. I’m sorry, but what the fuck? Don’t women have enough to deal with without adding grown up mean girls to it?

I just want to ask these mean girls, what’s your excuse now? Why are you such a coward that you can’t bring your issues directly to me? Am I a threat to you? Have I hurt you in some way? Are you that unhappy in your own life that you feel the need to spread that unhappiness? If so, why don’t you get out of your unhappy situation? Have some self-respect, courage, girl power, whatever you want to call it.

I didn’t have great experiences with girls in my life. And it deeply affected me. But I worked my ass off to get out of the pit that those people pushed me into. And I am absolutely not going to let your bad attitude and self-hatred seep into my life. In high school my motto used to be, “Love me or hate me, either way you’re thinking about me.” Now I’m thinking I need to modify it to “Love me, or don’t bother.” Because I just don’t have room in my life for negativity.

 

What I Learned from Reading “Scratch”

Yesterday, I finished reading Scratch: Writers, Money, and the Art of Making a Living edited by Manjula Martin. The book is essays, interviews and memoirs from successful writers. (Although the entire idea of what a “successful writer” is is a large part of the book’s message.) If I’m being honest, it’s the first book about writing that I’ve read in full. And I didn’t want to stop reading it. Once I finished the book I felt as though my friends were abandoning me as I connected to so many of the stories as an aspiring writer.

Here are some memorable quotes from the book, followed by lessons I learned.

“People wonder when you’re allowed to call yourself a writer. I think maybe the answer is when you recognize that it is work.” – Nina MacLaughlin

“Many young writers hold the conviction that a day will come when they don’t have to do anything but write. When we speak about our “Work,” we mean our writing. We treat this work with reverence and hold it up as the work that makes us who we are: artists. But beneath the surface of our art is a life largely spent doing other work: basement shifts, rent gigs and adjunct positions… I started to realize work wasn’t what was holding me back; the ideal of the Writer’s Life was. Once I let myself understand that statistically I would probably never – yes, never – be able to quit working, the hours I had spent agonizing over having a day job became hours in which I could write. I began to transfer the energy behind my fantasy into real ambition.” – Manjula Martin

“My book is on the New York Times bestseller list right now and we do not have any money in our checking account.” — Cheryl Strayed (See Lesson #3)

“‘If you’re not necessarily interested in having an audience, if you’re not interested in making a living off your art, then you don’t have to worry about self-promotion. Don’t self-promote.’ ‘Something I hear a lot is, I’m not interested in being on social media, or I’m not interested in being on the internet.’ ‘Right. Which is like saying I’m not interested in the printing press.'” – Austin Kleon (See Lesson #1). 

“‘Do what you love’ implies that the only person you’re responsible for is yourself, but if you have children or a sick spouse or people to take care of… The other side of that kind of thinking is that it makes people with a good day job feel like shit, too. And then there’s the idea that you could make a living doing anything you love. Like, if you love avant-garde poetry… I mean, c’mon man.” – Austin Kleon  (See Lesson #4). 

“The thing that kept you spiritually alive now not only has to keep you spiritually alive, but also has to keep you financially alive.” – Austin Kleon

“Today my dream is front and center, but living the dream isn’t the happy ending I once imagined. The truth is, my dream has changed; it has become clearer to me, and more challenging. Your story doesn’t end when your dreams cone true, it changes.” – Malinda Lo

“Writers are encouraged to believe they are dispositionally opposed to careers in finance, transactions, or law. They are encouraged to self-mythologize as artsy and/or loner and/or incompetent folk. And whether that’s native or induced, writer-types tend to withdraw further and further from the world of math and science…” – Choire Sicha

“‘Disposable,’ say the critics, as if they can see into the future, and know what will be read and what will be ignored, as if they, and not future readers, get to decide ‘This means something, still. This is worth something to me.’ I know all this. Still, the compliments and accolades always fade into the background, the praise evaporated almost as soon as it’s been uttered. The bad reviews and criticism echo; they linger like scars or like brands. I hear them, over and over…” – Jennifer Weiner

Here is what I learned from the book.

  1. Self promote. I have never been a fan of Twitter, or hashtags. Ever. I’m still not. But as a writer, I know that language evolves, and if we don’t keep up, we will fade out. SO! Follow, like, etc.
    Facebook: @marinamillerblogger 
    Twitter: @MarinaWrites16
    Instagram: @marinawrites16
  2. An MFA is nice, but maybe not necessary. Jennifer Weiner wrote that she got accepted to grad schools and then declined to attend because she didn’t want to take out more loans. And I swear she was telling me, “Don’t worry about not going to grad school.” I’ve thought about getting an MFA, but then I’d be overqualified for the job market I’m in, and of course in even more debt.
  3. The notion of success for a writer is vastly different from any other career. I often feel like people don’t take my writing seriously. Granted, it’s not “serious work” (whatever that means); it’s often “fluff” about love, life, and being in your twenties. (Jennifer Weiner also struggled with being rich vs. being respected). I hear, “When are you going to go to law school?” or “Maybe you should try this career path instead,” or my favorite, “Why don’t you just find a sponsor for your blog, and then you’ll quickly be ‘famous?'” Why isn’t being a writer enough for people? Being successful as a writer frequently is measured by whether or not you’re on the NYT Bestseller List, or how much money you’ve made in royalties. But is that success?  When you rely on writing to pay the bills, will the passion fade? Is that success? Maybe success is just finishing your novel. (See Lesson 5) I don’t know what success looks like for me in terms of writing. But I’m sure hopeful that I’ll find out.
  4. Keep your day job.  It may not thrill you, it may not be related to your degree, and we all know you probably don’t like it, but it pays the bills. Be a writer on your lunch hour, after work, and on weekends.
  5. I’m doing okay. I think the path I’m going down, is an okay path. I’m starting to see the footprints of many writers on this same path. I may not feel like I’m getting anywhere, but I have to just keep going. This is what writers do. They struggle, and they keep on trying. Most importantly they keep on writing. JK Rowling tweeted about just finishing whatever piece you’re working on, because what you learn in the process, and the discipline you gain is worth it in the end. Just because there may not be an audience yet, doesn’t mean that there won’t ever be one. Keep writing. Keep trying. Keep believing.

30 Things My Big Sister Taught Me Before Turning 30

Today my sister is turning 30! When our oldest sister turned the big 3-0 I wrote 30 Things My Big Sister Taught Me Before Turning 30 on my last blog. Well it turns out, both my sisters have wisdom to spare, so here are 30 things my second oldest sister taught me before turning 30! Love you Sis!

  1. Don’t cut your own bangs.
  2. Don’t let your sister cut your bangs.
  3. If you scream enough about taking your cough medicine, she will dump it for you and lie to mom about it.
  4. If your big sister hits you enough, eventually mom and dad will start to believe that’s what happened any time you scream.
  5. How to discreetly feed the dog under the table.
  6. Middle school is awful.
  7. How to make a fireball out of hairspray and matches.
  8. Don’t mix a bunch of random chemicals in your room.
  9. Don’t stuff your closet so full that it explodes on you in the middle of the night.
  10. There is nothing wrong with going back to bed after breakfast.
  11. If you ditch school, get home before mom and dad and delete the school’s number from caller ID, and the voicemail.
  12. Keep your movies, jewelry, and clothes hidden from sister thieves.
  13. Make friends with at least one teacher in high school.
  14. Sometimes you just need to take a drive.
  15. Music works wonders for your emotions.
  16. If you burn sauce, use some sugar to make it taste better.
  17. Know the amount of drinks you can have before losing your filter.
  18. Don’t worry about your neighbors or your pets’ opinions while you’re singing karaoke.
  19. Stand up for the little guy.
  20. Standing your ground may hurt those around you.
  21. Life doesn’t always go as planned.
  22. Sometimes, when plans fall through, your heart will break in ways you never expected.
  23. It’s okay to show your weakness sometimes.
  24. Stand up when you fall.
  25. You are stronger than you think.
  26. Forgive those who hurt you.
  27. Though our relationship has taken some hits, and has been bruised before, we always find a way to heal it.
  28. People are more proud of you than you believe.
  29. Although you still fight and get on each other’s nerves, your sister becomes more of a friend the older you get.
  30. Your sister will always, always be there for you. No matter what time it is, no matter how old either of you get, no matter what the reason, she will always be there for you.

 

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Beauty and the Beast

Last night my older sisters and I went to the premiere of Beauty and the Beast. This movie has a special place in our hearts for many reasons. The original cartoon version came out on VHS on the day that I was supposed to be born, 25 years ago in November. Then three days later, when I was actually born, that’s the movie they were watching when I came home. For me, it has always been my favorite Disney movie. She is the most headstrong, reasonable Disney princess (other than Mulan) and I love that. Rather than another “love at first sight” story, this story is more realistic. She sees all the beast’s flaws and has to learn to love him despite them. They have to actually fall in love, and shocker, she doesn’t fall right away!

My sophomore year in college I had to take Public Speaking. The first speech topic was movies. That was all we had to go off of. So I wrote my speech about Beauty and the Beast attempting to debunk all of the controversies surrounding beastiality and Stockholm Syndrome. The last line of my speech was something along the lines of “So I challenge all of you to discuss the merits of these arguments with me surrounding this movie.” Then my professor said, “That’s an interesting viewpoint. I actually published an article in a scholarly journal comparing the symptoms of Stockholm Syndrome to the original story.”
I just stood there staring for a minute, and then said, “Well I still challenge you to debate me, but give me some time to look up your article first.” And then I sat down thinking, “Come on, what are the odds?!” Of all the movies, of all the professors, this is my luck?!

Anyways! I don’t typically do movie reviews, but this one I have to say some things! Don’t worry, I will warn you if I am going to spoil anything (if you haven’t already seen the original cartoon version at some point).

Here were my main concerns about the movie going in:

  • Emma Watson using her real British accent when they’re clearly in France.
  • I heard that LeFou was openly gay in the movie and I didn’t care in the slightest, but I was just wondering how it would add to the storyline.
  • In the times of political correctness/protecting everyone from being offended, will all the dark undertones still be there? (Think about the mob scene in the original, the deal Gaston makes with the head of the insane asylum, etc.)
  • I didn’t want them to change the storyline.
  • I wanted to hear some of the original songs, and a few new ones.

Here is what I thought about the movie.

Emma Watson used her British accent in the movie. Obviously. But then I thought about it and it adds to her “oddness” to the village people so I can learn to accept it. Emma Watson’s voice also sounded pretty auto-tuned to me, but hey, we can’t all sing as well as Paige O’Hara.

The movie shows more of the background of the characters. What happened to Belle’s mom? Where are the Beast’s parents? (In the original he was 11 when the old lady came to his door, of course he turned her away, stranger danger!) We learn what happened to the parents, and why the beast had “no love in his heart” even at his young age. These flashbacks don’t take away from the original storyline at all, they in fact enhanced the story and gave you deeper insight.

Gaston was too hot to be the villain. I understand  he’s supposed to be a good looking guy, but as a cartoon he was just alright. Considering I am not a fan of guys with long hair, I was surprised how attractive I thought he was. Most Disney villains have beards, but it is a good thing Gaston did no; it would have been too much to handle!

There were a lot a interracial couples in the movie and I thought it was fabulous, and honestly about time!

The songs were all the originals and then a few new ones, which were amazing as well.

Overall, if you liked the original, I highly recommend seeing the new one.

Okay now to a few semi-spoilers! 

 

 

 

Because there was all this fuss about LeFou being gay, I was looking for signs of him being “openly gay” throughout the movie. If I didn’t know about it, I would not have thought anything of it until the very last scene of the movie. It doesn’t add or distract from the storyline.

I was not a fan of Gaston using a gun during the fight scene. It makes him more cowardly which of course makes you dislike him even more, but there was just something about it that I didn’t like.

When the characters start to turn permanently into trinkets, the goodbyes they say to each other are crushing.

I loved how the old woman who cursed the castle has a part throughout the story. Again, it adds to the depth of the story.