I did not get enough sleep last night. I had very little caffeine today, I have a 7AM appointment tomorrow, my body is aching like it does when I am really exhausted, and yet, I can’t fall asleep.
Most of you already know, I got engaged a few weeks ago. The proposal was so perfect that I keep reliving it in my head over and over again, wishing I could just go back to that night. The ring is so beautiful that I cannot stop staring at it, still in shock that this is all real. And the man is so incredible that I cannot believe how lucky I am to marry him.
I have always been a sap when it comes to weddings. I cry at wedding movies and books, and don’t even get me started on real life weddings. What can I say, I’m a hopeless romantic. I’ve dreamt about my wedding day for years. I’ve had most of it already planned, I just needed the perfect man. And now, I finally have him. And you know what is keeping me up tonight? This damn wedding.
Don’t get me wrong, I am loving the planning process, and am very much enjoying it. What I fear is making the wrong decision. I thought I had my color scheme, and my backup color scheme figured out. Today, I came up with a totally different color scheme, equally beautiful, but equally hard to decide on. I’ve had second doubts about the venue, that I’ve seen weddings take place at since I was a little girl. And then there’s the photographer. Do you know how many photographers there are out there? How do I know we’re spending the right amount of money on the right things? How do I know if we’re making the right decisions?
So today, I stepped back from Pinterest, and Instagram and I took a moment to look at an old picture of Alex and I that I had basically forgotten about, but absolutely love. And the picture not only reminded me of how far we have come together, but how far we have yet to go together. And I teared up at the thought of saying our vows, and growing old with each other, and then I was able to refocus on what this is really all about. The only thing that will truly matter to me on the day of our wedding is that I get to marry him. Everything else is just decoration. In the end, the marriage that we are building is a million times more important than the wedding that we are planning. The vows that we say to each other are more important than the picture of us saying them.
I can think about all the choices we have to make, but as I fall asleep I’ll focus on the one that actually matters. I choose him. And that is one decision that I know is the right one.