My faith is shaken. My mind is swimming. And my heart has been scarred. But I still have hope.
Scars aren’t there to loudly announce, “I’ve been through more!” But rather, they quietly whisper, “You survived.”
Sometimes a scar does not just inflict a single being, but touches another along the way. And you can sit there and look at each other for as long as you want, but that won’t help you heal. You must feel it all. Don’t be afraid to cry or yell. I can handle sadness. I’ve been there before. All that does is make me appreciate the happiness even more. I’ve learned that no matter how dark it may seem right now, there will eventually be light again.
What I don’t have a lot of experience dealing with is anger. And the anger is what will tear us apart if we let it. Anger has a way of morphing into an unrecognizable creature that turns souls to dust, and insides to tar. Anger will cause resentment, bitterness, and hate. So please, help me deal with the anger. Let me be angry. Put your armor down, so that I can feel. And please, recognize when I am pushing away, so that you can pull me closer and remind me that I can still have hope.
I cried a little bit less today than I did the day before, and that’s why I can still have hope. Because despite the fact that my mind keeps telling me that I don’t need you, and that I shouldn’t want you, my heart tells me, “Just one more time.” And as much as I am hurting right now, I know that you are hurting too. And that if I can learn to heal myself, maybe then we can heal together. We are stronger here together than we could ever be alone.
There will be days when the scar feels like it is still fresh and open. And there will be days, when it will sting just a little. And there will be days, eventually, when you forget that it’s even there. And I might not have smiled at you today, but we will try again tomorrow. And I might not have felt very strong today, but we will try again tomorrow. Because the potential of tomorrow gives me more hope than the pain of yesterday.