Lately I’ve been very grumpy, and it’s been very hard to shake the grump. Now I’ve known myself long enough to know that grumpiness is almost always a mask for something else. And I can always tell because my grumpiness can easily turn into crying, which is a sure sign that I need to work something out.
Last night I couldn’t help but think that my life was speeding by and I feel like I am wasting it. And then today I thought about what there is in life that is left to be proud of. The last time I felt like others were proud of me was when I graduated college, almost a year ago. I realized that I do not want graduating from college to be my greatest achievement in life. Don’t get me wrong, it is an achievement, and not everyone can do it. Believe me, I know, I’m a first generation college graduate. It is no easy feat. But what happens after graduation that’s worth being proud of? Not quitting your job that you hate? Moving into an overpriced place of your own? Having your own health insurance? These are pretty meager accomplishments if you ask me.
I think about the mark I want to leave on this world and wonder, does anyone ever really leave a lasting mark? Does it matter? Maybe we’re aiming just a bit too high, only to fall a bit too far. I have no interest in having the most successful career; money and power don’t motivate me.
What truly motivates me is knowledge, love, and happiness. But can those three things lead to noteworthy accomplishments? Can those three things make others proud of you? Does it matter if others are proud of you as long as you’re proud of yourself?
I read a quote that says “A flower doesn’t compare itself to the flower next to it, it just blooms.” What a fantastic outlook on life. We live in a world of constant comparisons and it’s killing our confidence. We need to focus on ourselves and what we believe is best for us so that we can just bloom. We can find beauty in our own situations and think to ourselves, “You know what? I’m going to be okay.” Or better yet, “I am okay.” So from now on I’m going to do my best not to compare myself to other flowers, and just learn to bloom.