The 9 Types of People You Encounter at Starbucks

  1. The “I’m in a hurry” business person. They whisper their order while on the phone. Just a double espresso for them. They throw their card at you and of course don’t bother to tip. They will bump into someone and cause them to spill their freshly prepared triple tall, no room, extra hot, soy latte. Does the business person stop and offer to buy a new latte for them? Nope. They have to get into the office. Now.

    P.S. You get decaf espresso.

  2. The triple tall, no room, extra hot, soy latte lady. It took her years to get her order just right, so she doesn’t care if it takes everyone behind her in line years to get their’s either. “Um, are you sure this soy?”
  3. The work-from-home outlet hog. Working from home does not mean working from Starbucks. You order a drip coffee when you first arrive and then stay there for hours taking up space and hogging the outlet because you want a change of scenery? Move over, I need to plug in!
  4. The under-cover hipster. Starbucks is way too main-stream for them, except they really like the Blonde Roast and just can’t find it anywhere else!
  5. The high school kids. They only drink one type of drink, frappucinos. Venti. No coffee. They also travel in packs. You can be swamped with other customers and then the lunch time rush happens. Groups of 10s come in and need their Venti Vanilla Bean Frappucinos immediately. They are loud and almost always texting. They also think they are so clever giving you names like “Ben Dover” for their drinks. Hilarious.
  6. The college kid. They are barely even alive when they come in right before close. “Um… I need a Venti… Mocha with an extra shot. Wait… Make that two extra shots. Wait, how much is that going to be? Ugh, you know what, nevermind I have to write this paper, make it a Venti Peppermint Mocha (peppermint helps your memory right?) with three extra shots.” “That will be $8.25.” “Holy shit man, I guess I’m having Ramen this week.”
  7. The over-stressed mother of three. This is her only luxury and she indulges maybe once a month. She tries her hardest to keep her gaggle of children quiet and still but they just “NEED a kid’s hot chocolate. PLEASE!”
  8. The “usual.” They come in frequently and every time they say they want to change it up for once. But they don’t know enough about everything else to make a truly informed decision so instead they ask a thousand questions. “How’s the flat white?” “What’s the difference between a caramel macchiato and a caramel latte?” “Could I get a hot version of a frappucino?” And after all their questions and holding up the line, they say, “I’ll just go with my usual.”
  9. The wonderful barista that puts up with them all. They never complain (at least to your face) about your special order. They greet you with a smile, point out where the stoppers are (and always have been), put a sleeve on your hot drinks, try their best to spell your name right, re-make anything you deem as incorrect and of course, caffeinate you for the day (or night) ahead. Make sure you tip next time, they deserve a lot of thanks.

Written by a frappucino-drinking-outlet-hog, approved by a wonderful barista.

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