Today was one of those days where if I didn’t write, I would burst. Luckily I was able to incorporate it into one of the pages from the F*ck I’m in My Twenties Guided Journal prompts. One of the pages asked what inspires me. My inspiration varies from day to day and season to season (just wait until my annual fall post), but today was perfect.
My first thought when I walked out the door this morning was “Today is far too beautiful and life is much too short to spend it in an office.” I considered taking a mental health day to enjoy the beauty that surrounded me, but I felt my shoulders grow tense as I remembered my student loan debt and proceeded to my car.
The air was crisp and clean. It smelled fresh and comforting. The slightly overcast sky partnered with a calm breeze created a perfect 70 degree day.
As the smooth voice of Michael Buble crooned in my ears while driving, I noticed that the Denver skyline was nestled beautifully between the Rocky Mountains and a rainbow. It was as picturesque as a water colored painting.
Once I got to work I reluctantly got out of my car and dragged myself out of the parking garage. To my surprise, it was raining. The sun was still peeking through the clouds making sure the sky wasn’t a dreary, unbearable gray. It was a lazy rain that glistened as it fell and illuminated everything it touched. I felt as though someone bottled up my mood and created this day out of it. I felt my eyes well with tears at the delicate beauty that only nature can provide. The stunningly melancholic scene was overwhelming.
I couldn’t help but to feel alive. I am breathing for a reason. I am able to feel and to learn and to love for a reason.
And I couldn’t help but feel like I am wasting this precious life. I am just waiting for the hours to pass so I can go to lunch, and then go home. I am waiting for the days to pass so it’s the weekend. Happiness is not a destination. We are only given one life. And some of those lives last longer than others, and none of us know how long we have. So instead of just allowing time to pass and not making the most of it, I am going to start doing something about it.
First thing’s first: My job. I am continuing to look for a job that I love. A job that has intellectual stimulation. A job that will allow me to explore a little bit of everything I’m interested in. A job where I feel appreciated, where people ask me for advice or guidance. A job that doesn’t make me feel like I’m wasting my education and my life.
I need to learn to be comfortable in my own skin. Flaws and all. This is something that comes and goes with me. I feel as if there is always something I can pick on with myself. “I wish I didn’t care so much about what people thought of me. They don’t think of me that much anyways.” I want that to be my mantra. I’ve learned that the only people who point out others’ flaws are the ones who are truly unhappy with themselves or see me as a threat for some reason. And why would I care what they think anyways?
So today, life was my inspiration. Nature was my backdrop and my Mother Nature provided me the perfect picture to paint.