Eff I’m in my Twenties: Day 8 – Venting

I will admit, I have been going a bit out of order in terms of the pages in the F*ck I’m in My Twenties Guided Journal. Last week, one of the pages simply said, “Vent to me” but at the time I didn’t have much to vent about, so I decided I would save it for another day.

Well that day is here. Time to vent.

I miss school. I even miss the little town where I went to school that I swore I wouldn’t miss. As much as I hated that town and some days of school, and longed for the weekend so I could drive home and escape for a few days, I still made Fort Collins home for four years. And I learned to love that little town. It wasn’t easy to get lost in Fort Collins, which made finding your way back home that much easier. When I needed to go on a drive just to think and get away from it all, I had all my special routes down. And if I changed it up, I still knew where I was. There is something quaint about that town that I thought I hated after four years. Something that makes it very easy to miss when you’re gone.

The job I have is doing two things very well. 1) It is convincing me that law school is not the right path for me. 2) It is proving to me that I yearn for intellectual challenge. I once believed that a job as easy as this one would be perfect, but I need to have some kind of thought in my work! I need my brain to be stimulated multiple times a day.

I am not the kind of person to believe that I am better than any job. I don’t believe that I should have a better job because I earned it, or because I am automatically deserving. I do not believe that I am entitled to anything. The only person who owes me anything is myself. And I owe it to myself to make my degree worthwhile, and to make myself happy.

I understand that I am picky when it comes to careers. And I completely stand by that. If I’m going to spend the majority of my time doing something, I better damn well enjoy it. I don’t think that there is anything wrong with wanting to try everything until you find something that you love.

So what’s a girl to do? I feel as though I am wasting time at this job now. I am not getting experience writing or editing like I need. I’m about 90% sure that law school is not for me now, but I have benefits and responsibilities now. If I want to save money for a house and the lifestyle I hope to have later, I need to maintain a good paying job. But at what cost? My job really isn’t that bad. But I can’t help but feel like I”m wasting my degree and what little talent I might have.

Let’s be honest. I’m a legal assistant. I can’t be promoted from here. I may get a raise after a year or so, but I’m never going to be more than an assistant here. I will be taking orders all day, everyday and doing the jobs that the lawyers are too busy or good for. And the whole time I can’t help thinking, “I could be just like you” and “Why is it that the attorneys here all hate their jobs?”

Growing up is a trap. I just wish I would have realized that before I was in such a hurry to get here.

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One thought on “Eff I’m in my Twenties: Day 8 – Venting

  1. TSP says:

    I can relate to what you’re going through but I’ll be honest – lawyers don’t have it much better despite how it appears. Statistics show that 60% of lawyers want to change their profession but can’t because they feel guilty for how much they invested in becoming a lawyer. 50% of lawyers have some kind of heart issues because of the constant stress they endure and their back eating habits. 50% of hot shot litigation lawyers end up divorcing because they can’t separate their home from the courtroom. I read all of these facts from an academic book while in my undergrad. Also, having your own business (as any legal professional) is exhausting. It’s not as glamorous as it seems – I can say that because I’ve had my own practice. The grass always seems greener on the other side my friend 🙂 I think being a legal assistant can be amazing, it has nothing to do with your capabilities or intelligence. I put my energy into different projects instead that create social change. I hope you’ll check out my blog because it’s a clear example of what I’m discussing. I hope this message serves as a bit of silver -lining. I’ve been where you are that’s why I decided to respond. You’re awesome! Don’t downplay your amazing-ness just because of a job title 🙂
    Happy new year 🙂
    TSP – https://thesocialparalegal.wordpress.com/2014/11/05/home/

    Like

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