I’ve been trying to determine why I haven’t written much since graduation. There is an array of reasons, or excuses, that I can list but I think the primary excuse is that I’m not particularly inspired anymore. And then I think to myself, if I really want to write for a living, I have to learn how to inspire even when I am not inspired myself; To write when I have no burning desire to write; Because writing should be a desire and a need. On my previous blog I decided to post something every day. This was in hope of improving my writing and of course to inspire others to write.
The best way to improve your writing is to write. And to read more of what you want to write. Those are two things that I need to work on. Now that I have a full time job, I realize why often times people don’t have hobbies. You have to learn to prioritize the things that are important to you and learn to deal with the time that you are given. We never have enough time to do what we really love to do. But that means we need to cherish all that time even more.
The problem when I sit down and free write like this is that I tend to ramble. That is why I’ve set up a plan. Surprise, surprise, I have a plan. For my graduation, I was given a book called F@#k I’m in my Twenties: A Guided Journal. So, each day I will fill out the page in the journal and then post it. I can’t guarantee that every day will be as interesting as the one before or after, but I can guarantee, the same thing I always have, that I will put my heart on the page for you to read.
The first page in this book says, “So how have you been lately?” Well, other than my most recent blog post, there has been quite a bit on my mind today. So… Here goes.
It’s amazing how lack of sleep exacerbates everything. Small issues that seem insignificant on a regular day become the cause of a mental breakdown on a day when you’re tired. It’s even worse when you know that part of the problem is being tired but that doesn’t necessarily help you relax or calm down.
With all the thoughts that have been pouring through my brain, there’s one that is like a song on repeat: “I want to write.” Sometimes I wonder if I am holding myself back by being unwilling to move out of state. I mean people who really want to write move to New York. That’s where the industry is. I don’t want to look back at the end of my life and wonder, “Could I have made it as…” or “What might have happened if I did this….”
I have never chosen my career path (or hopeful career path) based on the amount of money I might make. Believe it or not, I wanted to be a lawyer because I love the law, and I had a great Constitutional Law teacher who said that I could do it. I planned on becoming a District Attorney, look up their salaries; it’s not much for a lawyer. So when I think about becoming a professional writer, I try to tell myself not to worry about the fact that writers are not paid well (if at all) in today’s society. However, I am a product of student loans. And it is extremely hard for me to justify taking a job that doesn’t pay as well when I have mounting debt up to my eyeballs.
I’ve read a couple articles today about being a 20-something and they all say, “Don’t compare yourself to other 20-somethings, just do what makes you happy.” Well what if I don’t compare myself to other 20-somethings and I don’t know what makes me happy? And the things that I do know make me happy just aren’t lucrative or realistic. The industries I want to be in are ridiculously competitive and not major sectors in the region I live in. So what’s a girl to do?
Stop thinking so much. For one. And try to stop worrying about the future. Find a way to do what makes me happy that can also pay the bills? Are these things even possible?
Hopefully someone out there can relate and maybe find some solace in these words and know that they are not alone. And maybe they can remind me that I am not alone either.