A year ago today, I stepped into a room and took a test that determined much more of my future than it should have been allowed to. I was a bundle of nerves and emotions that seemed as uncontrollable as the outcome of this test.
The night before this test, (a year ago yesterday) I prayed for answers. Now first, let me say that I am not a very religious person, and while I wasn’t sure who or what I was praying to, I felt that was what I needed to do at that moment. I didn’t pray for answers to the test. I prayed for answers to all my lingering questions. Was this what I wanted to do? Was I ready for this? Was this the right path for me? What do I do if this doesn’t work out? The list just went on and on. And I took the test and I did the best that I could do. Which turned out to not be good enough at the time. And I was crushed and I told myself that in a year I would revisit the idea of going to law school.
Exactly a year later, was the first day of my new job, which could turn into a career if I so choose. What a completely different journey I am on. From all sights set on law school, to working in a management program at a major retailer. And yet, I still find myself praying for answers. What am I supposed to do? What am I meant to do? How do I find time to balance what I want out of life with what I need to do to get there? Is the current path that I am going down really the right one for me?
I thought that growing up meant that you would have more answers than you have questions. I am finding that (at least for now) the opposite is true. The answer to one question almost inevitably leads to another question. And the questions get harder and harder to determine the answers to. There’s no encyclopedia of life, Siri can’t tell me what to do for a living. All the answers that we seem to be searching for at twenty-something years old come from within. And generally, they are multiple choice, essay questions. We are given the test before we can even learn the lesson. And there seems to be no way to prepare.