Currently… July

ReadingLost Along the Way by Erin Duffy. I loved Bond Girl and On the Rocks by Duffy and loved that her degree was in English and she ended up in a totally unrelated field when she graduated. Life has been crazy so I’m not too far into Lost Along the Way but it has been keeping my interest enough for me to lug it around everywhere just in case I get a second to read a few pages.

Writing: A goodbye letter to our first shared apartment. It seems corny, and believe me, I’m loving our house, but your first apartment as a couple is something that only the two of you will remember, and will have fond memories of in the future. There will come a day when our kids are driving us crazy, or the house is falling apart, or money is tight, and we’ll look at each other and think, “Remember that tiny one-bedroom apartment we had on Parker Road? Life was so much simpler then.”
That’s a good line, I’ll add that to the letter. (Which of course I will post later this month).

Watching: I started watching Blue Bloods on Hulu. My whole family watches and enjoys it, but I have only seen a few episodes here and there. But I have quite a bit of catching up to do.

Planning: Well the wedding is about 3 weeks away now, so there’s that! Alex left for his Bachelor Party camping trip today and I have my bridal hair trial run tomorrow, as well as work on the dreaded seating chart….. But after that, there’s not much left for me to do! We could plan some activities for the honeymoon, but right now the plan of drink in hand, ass in sand, sounds pretty fantastic to me.

Looking for: Furniture that won’t break the bank, and that won’t break in a few years. Any suggestions? If anyone has experiences with WayFair, please let me know – I’m always hesitant to buy online, but especially a bigger ticket item like furniture.

Needing: More time to unpack the house.

Wanting: An unpacked house.

Thinking about: Love letters. I came home from work the other day to roses and a note from Alex and it cheered up my otherwise dreary day. Since he is off the grid for his camping bachelor party this weekend, I’m thinking of writing a little love text to him so that when gets service back, he gets a little treat from me 🙂 We need to bring love letters back – preferably hand written!

Thanks for reading! Come back later this month for my letter to our apartment!





Currently… June

Reading: Leave Me by Gayle Forman. One week in and I’m already almost done. It’s bringing back my passion for reading! Imagine running away from home as an adult, wife, and mother. It has certainly kept my interest!

Writing: Checks…. But seriously. There are lots of expenses in life right now. We are planning a wedding, honeymoon, and oh yeah, we bought a house!

Watching: MasterChef. I’m not sure how I feel about the judges being coaches this year. It feels very similar to The Voice, and I think they already had a good thing going. I also just watched Girl on the Train and The Greatest Showman, both of which I enjoyd. Otherwise, all my shows are on break, I miss This is Us. 

Planning: House, wedding, honeymoon. In that order. I am looking into washing machines and dryers for the house, transportation for the wedding, and a few activities for the honeymoon.

Feeling: A smidge overwhelmed at times, but usually that’s manageable.

Proud of: I attempted to make lemon meringue pie for the first time ever for Alex’s birthday and it came out perfectly! I was super nervous, and to top it off, his family and I threw him a surprise party, and both came out perfectly!

Thinking about: Work environments and the differences between men and women in the workplace regarding how their actions are perceived. And my next writing topics.

Dreaming of: Hawaii. My work computer now cycles through various pictures of Hawaii as my background to help get me through the next 47 days until the honeymoon!

What are you all writing, reading, or thinking about??



10 Easy Tips for Self-Care

I am by no means an expert in taking care of myself. I will go days without eating something green, and keep myself awake at night worrying about everything and anything, and I often don’t make time to do the things that actually feed my mind or my soul. So lately I’ve tried to think of things that are easy to do that help me take care of myself. Here’s what I’ve come up with, maybe they will help you too!

  1. Take a candlelit shower. I like the idea of taking a bath, but once I clean out the tub enough that I feel it’s decent enough for me to soak in, and fill it up, and set the ambiance, etc. I’m already over it. The water is too hot, or not hot enough, I forgot to grab a towel, or I’m too quick to start thinking about all the time and water I’m wasting just soaking. Needless to say, I’m much more of a shower person. Recently, I upped my shower game by turning off the lights, and lighting a few candles instead. I was amazed how much more relaxing it felt. I was in a spa shower instead of my one bedroom apartment shower. Now, any time I need to really relax, I light some delicious smelling candles and let the hot water massage my tense and aching muscles before a restful night of sleep.
  2. Go outside. Bonus points of if you walk barefoot in the grass. Since my job is so far from perfect for me, I’ve taken five or ten minutes out of the day, or of my lunch to go outside and soak up some Vitamin D. A little bit of sunshine and fresh air has gone a long way. I come back feeling happier and more refreshed to face the rest of the work day.
  3. Warm up a wet towel and use it on your neck or face. Take a washcloth, run it under warm water, and microwave it for 10-15 seconds (just make sure you can still tolerate touching it). Salons and spas do this all the time and it amazes me that something so simple can feel so luxurious at home.
  4. Eat proper meals. I have been especially bad at this lately. I eat breakfast everyday, but lunch gets very tricky on workdays. I try to pack a lunch, but if I don’t plan ahead, it doesn’t happen. I end up snacking or eating pure carbs throughout the day and then wonder why I’m so hungry all day and right before dinner. If I’m cooking for just myself, I almost never make a full meal. When I cook for someone else, I try to have a protein as the main course, a vegetable side, and a carb/starch side. I’m even getting more into making my own salads. I promise, there is a salad out there that you can eat and tolerate, if not actually enjoy. Why don’t I deserve the same full, balanced meal that I would feed others? Well, you know what, I do, and so do you!
  5. Take a deep breath. There’s a reason why we tell toddlers who are having a temper tantrum to take deep breaths. It has been proven to help ease stress and increase your relaxation. This is especially helpful to me in the workplace and during arguments. Take a step back, breathe in deeply, then try again.
  6. Give yourself a facial. I am a big fan of DIY facial masks. I have put oats, bananas, honey, coffee, cocoa powder, lemon juice, olive oil, milk, and so much more on my face. It’s fun, easy, and all natural.
  7. Go to bed early. Sleep is huge for me. I am so much more irrational and emotional when I’m truly sleep deprived, and yet I still vacillate between if I want to go to bed early. On one hand, if I go to bed too early, I think that all I do in life is work and sleep. On the other hand, if I’m falling asleep on the couch, I should just skip that step and go to bed early that night. If you have to sacrifice one night of potential fun for a restful night and a more positive outlook the next day, always choose positivity.
  8. Wake up early. This has less to do with sleep and more with “me time.” If you wake up 10 minutes early, (when your alarm actually goes off the first time) you can take that ten minutes to have a cup of coffee uninterrupted, read a chapter in a book, make a better breakfast, etc. Take some time in the morning to actually wake up and check in with yourself before starting the day off on a bad note.
  9. Disconnect. I’ve said it before and I will always continue to say it, look up. Log off the constant stream of highlight reels we call social media and actually call a friend. Go out with someone and turn off your phone. See how long you can go without even looking at your devices. We’re so connected through the internet, but so disconnected in real life.
  10. Laugh.  I know, on some days, this is easier said than done. But do whatever you can to laugh at least once a day. And I mean a real laugh, not a polite, small talk laugh. Google dog or cat fails. Watch baby laugh videos. People watch. Watch a comedy special. Reminisce about a time when you couldn’t stop laughing. Call someone close to you and have them relive one of your most embarrassing moments to laugh at yourself. At the very least, smile a real smile. Even when it’s buried deep within you, find the joy.

Currently… May

Reading: Living the Dream by Lauren Berry. I’ve determined I shouldn’t read reviews of books prior to or as I’m reading them because they fill my enthusiasm for reading the books then. This one seemed really relatable and probably still is, but ever since Goodreads told me there was no real plot, I haven’t been reading as much. Next up will probably be Bergdorf Blondes which I started years ago but never finished.

Watching: I Love Lucy is it right now because I’m between seasons on my shows!

Writing: My only response to this right now is a sad look on my face. I’ve thought a lot about writing, about restructuring my book and my blog, but unfortunately I’ve been making excuses for myself and haven’t done any of it.

Planning: Wedding, and some other things, (stay tuned!) Wedding invites went out (most of them) and I’m narrowing down my “to do” and “to buy” lists! In the short term, I have lots I can do this weekend while Alex is out of town!

Feeling: A lot. Stress; excitement; happiness; pretty much all the characters from Inside Out. I’m just trying to remind myself that I have a ton to be grateful for.

Thinking about: This bug that just crawled up my skirt and onto my ass! This is what I get for trying to get my daily dose of Vitamin D and write outside!

Wanting: A vacation. Looking at pictures of our hotels for the honeymoon helps get me through tough days!

Needing: Money. But who couldn’t use more of that? Otherwise, I need to eat real lunches during the workweek. And to write more.

Thanks for reading!

Another Someday Novel

“The wind blew her long blonde hair behind her as she looked up at the skyscraper that had consumed her life for the past 9 years. “How?” She thought to herself. “how did I ever let it get this far?” She felt a tear fall onto her cheek and wondered how many clear skies and sunny days she had missed cooped up in a dark office. And what did she have to show for it? Even in a crowded room, she was alone.”

Girls are Mean?

Yesterday, I was walking to my car in a shopping center parking lot when I saw a car pulling past me. To my surprise, the woman in the car rolled her window down and yelled, “I hate you. You’re too skinny. You look beautiful today.”

So I chuckled awkwardly, said “thank you” and kept moving. And then, I had a lot of thoughts.

  1. As some of you already know, I absolutely HATE when people comment on my body. Or on anyone’s body really. For some reason, people think that it’s okay to talk about my body, because I’m thin. And it’s not. I have lost count of how many times I’ve received comments from strangers about my weight. I was checking out at Home Depot once and the cashier said. “Do you wear a size 00? Is it even possible for you to find clothes?” Let me ask you. Would you ever go up to a heavier person and say, “Do you wear a size XXL? Is it even possible for you to find clothes?” Nope! Because it’s not okay; you don’t know that person; you don’t feel comfortable commenting on their weight. So why is okay to comment on mine?? I could go on and on about this point, but for now, I will move on to my next thought after this interaction.
  2. You hate me? You hate me because I’m “too skinny?” Would you hate me if I was too fat too? Probably. Would you hate me if I was the perfect hourglass? Probably. Too beautiful? Probably. Why would you ever say that to someone? Why are we perpetuating this notion that women have to hate other women? There are very few people whom I could accurately say I absolutely hate. And the reason I hate them, has nothing to do with how they look. And yes, I’m sure she didn’t mean that she truly hates me, but the point is that she thought it was acceptable to do so. I just hope that she isn’t passing that idea along to the next generation. Again, I could go on and on about the relationships women have with one another but that’s a different blog post. Women have enough to deal with in this world without constantly hating each other.
  3. If you’re going to go out of your way to say something to me as I walk to my car, why couldn’t you just leave it at, “You look beautiful today!” A comment like that would have made my day and completely changed my mood. But because the compliment was buried by two unnecessary comments, the effect was greatly diminished. Maybe I’m being too sensitive about parts one and two of her comments, but truly, had she just left it at “You look beautiful.” this would have been a much different blog post. Ellen puts it best when she says, “Be kind to one another.”

It’s made me reflect a bit about my interactions with other women. Next time I find myself feeling jealous about a certain feature or aspect of another woman, I am going to try to smile, and compliment her on it. It’s not that I would ever say something rude to a stranger because I’m jealous, but most of the time I wouldn’t say anything at all. I am missing out on the opportunity to easily make someone’s day.

Image result for quotes about women hating each other

Currently… April

Reading: The Wedding Date by Jasmine Guillory. This book is good, I just haven’t made enough time to read on a regular basis lately. However, I’m about 2/3 finished now so by the next Currently… post, hopefully I’ll be finished and on to the next book!

Watching: New Girl. Alex and I restarted the entire series to prepare for the new season. We even stopped watching Friends to binge New Girl instead! And MasterChef Junior 😊

Writing: My vows! 😀 And I keep rewriting one sentence over and over again to try and start a piece about it, but so far I just get that one sentence down.

Planning: The wedding! It is a bit over 3 months away now! I have my bridal shower and rehearsal dresses, invitations are assembled (thanks to my wonderful bridesmaids), and we are on track! And I have to be honest, the honeymoon is looking really great right about now.

Obsessed with: Unique Vintage. I discovered this website last month and I have been obsessed with the clothes ever since. They are exactly the style I have been looking for! I just bought my first dress from there and I cannot wait to get it and wear it!

Thinking about: There is way too much going on in my life and in my head to try and explain everything I’m thinking about. I’m thinking about a couple of different writing prompts as well though. I need to continue writing my novel. Like JK Rowling said, “Even if it isn’t the piece of work that finds an audience, it will teach you things you could have learned no other way.” And “The discipline involved in finishing a piece of creative work is something on which you can truly pride yourself. You’ll have turned yourself from somebody who’s ‘thinking of’, who ‘might’, who’s ‘trying’, to someone who DID. And once you’ve done it you’ll know you can do it again. That is an extraordinarily empowering piece of knowledge. So do not ever quit out of fear of rejection.” I need to finish it. And in the end if I read it and think, “Well this whole thing was shit. Nobody is going to care,” then I’ll adjust and write something better.

Looking forward to: Getting my Unique Vintage dress and Alex and my my first dance lesson!

Dreading: Work.

Proud of: I wrote this post with a day to spare! I know if I let myself skip a month this feature will be gone and I’ll slip deeper into a writing slump.

Thanks for reading!

Currently… March

Reading: The Wedding Date by Jasmine Guillory. Recently I’ve had a hard time getting into books and it was getting really frustrating. Even Something Borrowed, a wedding theme book couldn’t keep my interest. Maybe I just needed a new book. I was right! So far, I keep trying to make more time to read this book. It’s an easy read, yet still intriguing!

Writing: Sticky note reminders to myself and emails. Oh, and wedding invitations. Deep and insightful stuff, right??

Watching: This is Us. I’m really sad that I have to wait until September to keep watching. I held myself together until Jack’s monologue about Kate’s future husband. Planning a wedding, being a daddy’s girl, and knowing Jack’s fate combined for tears just streaming down my face.

Planning: The future. The wedding is 142 days away (that seems like a lot, but it’s really only 4.5 months now)! That means the honeymoon is 143 days away! And did I mention that our lease is up in 136 days?? The timing on that wasn’t great, so now we have to decide whether to rent for one more year, or to try and buy a house, (which in the Colorado market, is not so easy). In terms of the wedding, I am working on the invitations! Next up, wedding bands.

Obsessed with:
Beautiful Trauma – (I’ve listened to it for months now, and some days I’ll think, “Okay, now I should probably listen to another artist.” And then I do, and I think, “Ugh I just need to listen to P!nk!”).
My wedding shoes and invitations – They are just so beautiful! I’m obsessed with the dress too, but since it’s not in my possession, it’s a bit more difficult. I would feel vain if I obsessed over the pictures of me in it.

Feeling: Good. This morning when I took the dog out, it was already in the 50s outside and it felt amazing! Let’s not forget that it is Friday!

Thinking about: Ugh. Everything. You know, oddly enough, my book hasn’t published itself yet. Weird, I thought it just needed a little more time. How sad I am that Toys R’ Us is going out of business. Our housing situation. Gardening. Just about anything.

On the hunt for: A simple, white maxi skirt. And 50s style dresses. And more polka dot items to add to my wardrobe. And dresses for all the extra wedding events, like bridal shower, bachelorette party, etc.

In need of: More space, and more organization within the space we live. Ever since we got Peyton, and have been planning a wedding, the walls of our one bedroom apartment have been caving in on us.

Wanting: A long weekend, or to build a fort 🙂 AND of course, a new job!

Working on: Bringing lunches to work so I don’t snack all day long. Cutting back on Starbucks.

That’s all I’ve got for today. As always, thanks for reading!



How to Break Your Own Heart

Let’s be honest, we break our own hearts all the time.

Heartbreak doesn’t have to come from a life changing tragedy. Sometimes, it comes from a culmination of life’s little disappointments. Every empty promise, every silent car ride, every bridge burned, we break our own hearts a little bit.

You break your own heart when you stay motionless in your life. If you’re stuck, I know it can be hard to find the motivation or the means to get yourself out, but if you don’t do it, you will look back in a few weeks, months, or even years and wonder how you got to this point and realize, you did it to yourself. You broke your own heart by not moving forward in life.

You break your own heart when you waste your own potential. You know that you can try a little harder, do a little better, and yet you don’t. Maybe you’re scared, maybe you’re indifferent, maybe you’re just comfortable, but you’re breaking your own heart and probably those around you who are rooting for you, and hoping you will get out of your own way.

You break your own heart when you compare yourself to others. We judge our own lives based on what we believe we see in others’ and it can only lead to confusion and disappointment. Just be you. Just live your life and stop worrying about where you are in comparison to everyone else.

You break your own heart when you create mountains out of molehills. Every now and then, take a step back and realize that this problem that seems exhausting and overwhelming and insurmountable, really isn’t that bad. Maybe you need a change in perspective, a helping hand, or just five minutes of shifting your focus. Will it matter in five years? Ten years? Will you look back and laugh at how silly your reaction was? If so, you might be wasting energy and emotion.

You break your own heart by holding things in. You allow your mind to run rampant to the point of creating problems that didn’t exist in the first place.  You bottle things up, convinced that nobody else could ever understand, or would ever care. And then you internalize everything, you drown in your own thoughts, make yourself miserable, and then blow up at an undeserving bystander. When they don’t react the way you hoped for, you dismiss them. And you repeat the same process the next time a problem arises, hurting yourself even more.

You break your own heart by saying things you can’t take back. Words can live on in someone’s heart forever. You may wake up one morning and regret everything you said the night before, but nothing can ever take back what was said.

You break your own heart by not forgiving. Forgiveness doesn’t mean excusing the action, it means moving past it in your own life.

You break your own heart by focusing too much on the past or the future. You will miss out on so many of life’s beautiful moments while you’re too caught up chasing the future or diving into the past. Be content in this moment. Breathe in this moment, and allow yourself to be present. The future becomes the present when you’re too busy to realize it, and the past will drag you down before you know it.

You break your own heart by not accepting reality. If you can’t cope with the problems you’re facing, and you run from emotions that you are too afraid to feel, your heart will break even more once it all catches up to you. And it will all catch up to you eventually.

You break your own heart by doubting people who have never given you a reason to doubt. Trust that some people are actually good. Trust that some people will stick around even when times get tough. Every now and then, when someone proves to be truly worthy, give them the benefit of the doubt. You could save yourself some heartache.

You break your own heart by setting unreasonable expectations for people close to you. Learn who people are and what they are simply incapable of doing. If you allow some wiggle room to your expectations you might be pleasantly surprised at the outcome. If you don’t let people prove themselves to you, you will break your own heart when they walk away.

You break your own heart by not listening. Do you hear me? Do you hear the root of the issue? Do you understand why I’m telling you this? If you’re confused by someone’s actions, but you haven’t been truly listening to them in the past, it’s going to break your own heart when they eventually stop trying. And you’ll wish that you would have just listened a little more intently.

You break your own heart the second you decide to give up. As soon as you decide to let go of something, it becomes that much easier to do. After that, everything becomes an annoyance, another validation that you made the right decision. And again, some time will pass and you’ll look back and wonder why things fell apart, and even if you don’t remember the exact moment you decided to give up, you’ll remember how everything after that became mundane, irritating, and you won’t have to face the fact that it’s because you made that decision yourself. You broke your own heart.

Dream Interpretations

I believe that dreams are how our bodies experience things we don’t want to in real life, and often it’s our subconscious forcing us to own up to emotions. I also think some dreams are just replications of daily life that get interpreted in strange ways. The dream I had last night was strange enough that I had to look up what some of the elements could mean.

So here is the dream I had last night:

I’m not exactly sure what started this dream, but the first thing I remember is being in a grocery store I have never seen before, with my dog in the cart. I was angry because I couldn’t find my fiance, and I thought he was mad at me. Most people were complimenting the dog, talking about how cute he is, when one lady looked at me and said, “Um if that’s not a service dog, then I’m offended that he’s in here.” And I freaked out on her. (In reality, I really don’t like when people who do not genuinely need service animals, try to pass them off as service pets, or even put on a fake vest. Anyways! Back to the dream!) I walked up to the lady and said, “Oh, you’re offended? Okay, thanks.” And I continued shopping. I went to the checkout stand and the cashier told me she couldn’t check me out because I was an impostor. I became irate.

“I’m an impostor? Is this because of my dog?”

“No, ma’am. I can’t check out impostors.”

“What is your problem, lady? I’m not an impostor!”

Well at this point, the security guard and he came over and told me that if it wasn’t a service animal that I couldn’t have the dog in the store. I tried to calmly explain that I couldn’t find my fiance and couldn’t do anything with the dog, but bring him with me. He wasn’t walking around, or making a mess, he was sitting calmly in the cart; so what was the problem? He told me that I would have to leave.

I was arguing and yelling with the security guard when I saw the woman who was offended at the dog.

“So you called the security guard because you’re offended??” I screamed at her. Then I looked back at the cashier and screamed at her, “And you think I’m an impostor, well that makes me offended! And I’m offended that you don’t like my dog!”

The security guard then escorted me out as I continued yelling. Soon enough, I found Alex and we were driving back from the grocery store with the dog in the car, and we were still mad at each other. While driving, there was a sudden blizzard that caused us to spin out, and I somehow flew out of the window. As I was falling, I decided to start doing flips in the air to help myself land, it was like I was flying at that point, in total control of the fall.

I woke up not knowing when or if I landed, I was still falling/flying when my alarm went off.

Considering this dream was so out of the ordinary, and unrelated to the day that I had yesterday, I went to the dream interpretation site I’ve been reading for years, (They didn’t even pay me to mention them, although, I wouldn’t object to that!)

Here’s what DreamMoods had to say about the various elements in last night’s dream.

To push a shopping cart in your dream suggests that you need to search out more options for some aspect of your life.

Hmm… Okay. My first thought about what that could be is my job. On to the next. 

To see a dog in your dream symbolizes intuition, loyalty, generosity, protection, and fidelity. The dream suggests that your strong values and good intentions will enable you to go forward in the world and bring you success. Alternatively, to see a dog in your dream indicates a skill that you may have ignored or forgotten

So I will be able to go forward in my life, while searching for new options? Alternatively, this new job could entail a skill that I have ignored or forgotten. 

To dream that you are in a market represents some emotional or physical need that you are currently lacking in your life. You may be in need of nurturance and some fulfillment.

What do I need to feel fulfilled? Well my job definitely does not fulfill me. Relationship does, family does, friendships do. Job it is. 

To dream that you are going crazy suggests that you have lost sight of your goals.

Hmm. True. 

To dream about a blizzard suggests that you are feeling emotionally cold and frigid. You feel excluded and left out.

Well, maybe, but not because of my job. Feeling excluded and left out? I’m getting married, buying house, own a dog and a cat, and have a great family. The only thing I’m feeling left out on is when I see people who just love their jobs, or have jobs with elements that I am envious of. 

To dream that you fall and are not frightened signifies that you will overcome your adversities with ease.

Yay! I will find a job, and I will quit this job and I will stop having weird dreams! Well, maybe not that last part. 

When it comes to looking up flying, that is a very common dream, so it could represent multiple things, according to DreamMoods, flying can represent control, new perspective, freedom, and escape.

“Flying represents control:
If you are flying with ease and are enjoying the scene and landscape below, then it suggests that you are in charge and on top of a situation. You have risen above something. Flying dreams and the ability to control your flight is representative of your own personal sense of power.

Flying represents freedom:
Your dream flight may be sending you a message that nothing is impossible; you can be anybody and do anything. Your ability to fly signifies hope, possibilities, reality and freedom of expression. It may also reflect your strong will and is a reminder for you not to give up. Nobody can tell you what you cannot do and accomplish. Such dreams can provide great motivation and renewed sense of freedom.

Flying represents escape:
To dream of flying can also function as an escape from the stresses and pressures of your everyday life. Instead of confronting your daily problems, you take flight and try to get away from it all.”

Yes, I have the power to change my job situation. Yes, a new job, especially one in the creative field, would be so incredibly freeing to me, considering how trapped I feel in this job. And yes, thinking about starting a new job, stresses me out and ultimately stops me from trying and reaching my full potential, so I avoid it. 

Of course, you can read into your dreams whatever you want, and maybe it is just some weird interpretation of everything I experienced that day, but I believe that most dreams are trying to tell us something, or at the very least, trying to get us to deal with something we don’t want to. And sometimes, dreams open your eyes to your truer desires.

Thanks for reading!