I haven’t written much lately. Well, technically I’ve written every day. I’ve written emails, correspondence for work, text messages, and even a line or two of my vows. But I haven’t written for my own purposes, aside from my little rant about Pinterest. Why is that? Part of me likes to think, “You haven’t written because you don’t need to.” But the bigger part of me thinks, “You always need to write.” The fact that I’ve noticed I haven’t been writing and that it’s been bothering me proves that I still feel like I need to write.
Lately, I haven’t felt as though I’ve been connecting to people the way I want to connect through my writing. Isn’t that all any writer ever wants? Aren’t we all just searching for something to confirm that we’re not alone.
It could be because I finished my second children’s book. I have a weird process once I complete a big writing project like that. I finish it. I’m incredibly proud of my work. I smile at the thought of that work for a day or two. Then on day three I think about how I need to improve certain parts of it. This phase lasts anywhere from one hour to five days. And depending on how long that phase lasts, I then go into a phase where I believe the work is complete crap and nobody will ever read or appreciate it and I should stop writing all together. This can go on for one to two days. If after two days, this phase doesn’t go away, it’s quite possible the work is actually crap. But if in fact I get out of that mental slump after those one to two days, then I go back in, and I change everything that I believed, or anyone who read it and I trust, believes needs to be changed. Then I’m even more proud of the work and I start to think I could actually get somewhere in this field.
Does this process make me completely crazy?
When I sat down to write tonight, I wasn’t sure what was going to come out. And while I’m still not sure this is what needed to come out, it is what it is. I guess tonight I have more questions for the universe and for myself than I do answers. You would think I’d be used to that by now.
“I don’t really want an answer. I just want to send this cosmic question out into the void. So good night, dear void.”